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Time:12:50 pm
B:: whole wheat tortilla [130]
      pb [100]
      banana [100]


Planning to spend the day studying... I'll get a tea or something there, so no cals. Then I'll come back home around evening so I can't eat til then.
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Time:08:26 pm

Had a pretty medium sized binge today, right after I had a realization/new burst of motivation to lose. Ironic, huh?

Regardless, I'm doing a 24 hour fruits/veg fast starting at 4pm today... so 4 and a half hours down haha

I need to cleanse my system a little; no pop, lots of tea and water.

Wish me luck!! xoxo

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Subject:Ups and downs
Time:09:12 am

I just woke up. The past 2 days i've been bingeing and not working out, which on and off has been what the past week was like. I DEFINITELY gained. It's not ok how I'm treating my body. I'm going to feel gross and fat all day today until I get home and can work out. I'm trying to find something encouraging to tell myself to help me get out of bed and have a good day eating healthily, but there's really nothing I can say to guarantee that.
Right now I weigh more than I ever want to or ever thought I would. If I don't do something about it successfully now, this is only going to get worse and it will get to the point of being unhealthy. I want to make the most out of my life; I don't want to be negatively judged for my body or let it hold me back from achieving what I want to achieve or being the person I know I can be. It doesn't matter what I say on here- it only matters what I actually do today to turn this around. I'm trying so hard to find my motivation and strength.

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Subject:Small setback... Good attitude
Time:07:24 pm
The past 2 days have been a setback because of emotional/family stuff, but I refuse to be defeated. I know that I am going to reach my goals, and I know that I'm going to make it happen starting right now. I believe that I can be successful and I will not hold myself back or let the choices I make in regards to my body and health hold me back either. I will weigh 120 by May.
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Time:09:57 am

The more I see, the less I know.


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Subject:Back to business...
Time:08:51 am

The past few weeks have really changed my point of view; I'm ready to get back in shape full force. I'm not afraid of success anymore.

::Today's Goals::
~ No diet pop
~ Tone abs/arms
~ Clean room
~ Pick up phone charger
~Under 1,200 cal, not counting fruit or veg cals any more
~ 4 big glasses of water

~SMILE and be friendly!!

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Time:07:30 pm
This is the first good day [well, decent, but that's saying a lot...] I've had in so long. As long as I don't eat anything else today I'll be good, though that will be hard since I'm gonna be up almost all night doing work. I guess if it really get unbearable I can do like some pretzels and peanut butter or pita with peanut butter. But I feel so good about myself that I'm finally taking the first steps to getting my weight back down.

B: cereal+soymilk [260]
L: pretzels+yogurt [210]
D: minnestrone soup+cheese+pita [550]

T: [[1, 020]]

I've had more than enough water too so that makes me feel better about how high in sodium all that ends up being. Now it's study time =/
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Time:12:33 am
When I stop and think about it, all I ate today was white carbs and fat. I binged all day pretty much. I feel like complete shit. It's no fucking wonder that I'm as fat as I am. I'm making mini goals to meet tomorrow and just planning one day at a time.


Do Abs/Legs
B: apple, balance bar [280]
Class/ Turn in paper
Barnes and Noble to study/do my papers
L: Potbelly chicken salad salad with half the chicken and no cheese, croutons, or cranberries [400]
D: Minnestrone soup no cheese [200]
S: pretzels, yogurt [180]
T:: 1,060

I am strong. I am going to do this. After I recover from this fucking binging, I'm going to do some abs and arms right now before bed. I won't get much sleep but guess what, I have to just deal with that. Anyway as long as I get enough work done tonight I can go to bed super early tomorrow without a problem. All I have to do is make it through my one class tomorrow and I'm free.
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Time:07:57 pm
I need to get myself out of this rut I'm in. I don't know when I decided it was ok to be so lazy and to just not care what I put in my mouth or how much of it. It's the reason I'm still fat, and I refuse to keep treating my body this way. Thank god I go home in 3 days... even if nothing changes til then, it's so soon so I can start undoing all of this damage and flushing out all of these toxins ASAP. I'm ditching diet pop starting now, which for now is the only thing I'll focus on since I'm completely addicted to it.

So here are my goals so I can get home as soon as possible::

~Finish my 2 papers tonight
~Study all day tomorrow, then start my other 2 papers, then pack
~Finish both of those on Wednesday night so I can go home on Thursday.

Time to get myself working and focused. I swear to God, when I'm not restricting and not working out all of my motivation in all areas of life goes completely out the window. As insane as I get about exercise and restricting, ultimately it's what keeps me sane and organized. I need it back. Only 3 more days.
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Time:11:17 am

Got high last night and ended up bingeing. Honestly the binge had nothing to do with smoking at all, I'm just a huge fat waste of space. I feel like complete shit today and I'd do anything to just not have to get dressed and go out looking this bloated and disgusting.

But I can't let that keep me down. I have one class today, then I'm going to the coffee shop to study for the rest of the afternoon. It's far enough away from my apartment so I can get a little bit of walking in and plus it's something to keep me out of the house. I won't feel ashamed of myself all day. I dealt with the fact that I binged, and yes, I feel like complete shit, but I can't let that feeling follow me all day or there's a huge chance of today being another shitty day. I need to be confident in my ability to restrict.
So today I'm sticking to 1, 200; nothing crazy low because then I'll binge.
B: cereal+soymilk [240]
S: coffee [140]
L: Protein bar [200] << ended up being a pita w cheese, but same cal count
D: Turkey sub [300]
S: Apple+peanutbutter [170]
S: pretzels+yogurt [190]
T:: [[1, 240]]

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